Friday, January 17, 2014
Not so socialistic at heart: Wisconsin the US Greece
Not so socialistic at heart: Wisconsin the US Greece: While driving to school today I heard on the radio about the events in Wisconsin. After few minutes I had to double check if I am hearing ri...
Not so socialistic at heart: Wave of Socialistic tendencies is a sign of the ti...
Not so socialistic at heart: Wave of Socialistic tendencies is a sign of the ti...: Looking at the awakened wave of protests around the country would not concern me if I didn't digest the insider memo so to speak. In ove...
Not so socialistic at heart: Obama Zombies
Not so socialistic at heart: Obama Zombies: I have just finished reading "Obama Zombies" by Jason Mattera, had a pleasure to actually exchange emails with the author. After r...
Not so socialistic at heart: What is Fair? Who gets to define it?
Not so socialistic at heart: What is Fair? Who gets to define it?: They don't appear as often and as vivid as they did when I first landed on the new planet called Utah. Ok it is not a planet but it felt...
Not so socialistic at heart: Something on my mind
Not so socialistic at heart: Something on my mind: The last week has been filled with memories, people and places I have known, seen, lived with or in so many years ago while in College. The ...
Not so socialistic at heart: Seeing them grow up
Not so socialistic at heart: Seeing them grow up: I know I have had life before my kids. I am quiet certain it was even a fulfilling and pretty successful one, but I didn't really live f...
Seeing them grow up
I know I have had life before my kids. I am quiet certain it was even a fulfilling and pretty successful one, but I didn't really live fully, deeply until those little people arrived into my arms. I catch myself thinking about life after they grow up, graduate, get married and I enter into an anxiety with shortness of breath stage. I start having bad dreams and see more danger around them than there probably is.
My children are my life. I wish I started earlier and could have had many more. They are not easy children, they have minds of their own and are busy and active and challenging in their own, individual way, but they are the best things in my life. I have listened to a Michael Medved radio show today while driving my son to dance. Diane Medved was a guest on her husband's show, she has a Phd in psychology or other behavioral science.
The conversation was about a study on who is happier, people who have children or people who don't. Besides some definitions clarifications, there seemed to be a portion of our society that doesn't want to have children. Perfectly fine, some people are not fit to be parents.
Long time ago, when I was younger, going thru my master's programs, having fun with my friends and figuring out what I want in life, I too didn't want to have children. I was convinced I wouldn't have any idea how to take care of them and how to keep them safe and most of all how to deal with the annoying crying.
Many years later, as I have matured and accomplished enough to be satisfied with my intellectual growth, got married I become open to having children. Still it was not a craving, calling, burning desire. I was selfishly worried about my life being over, because some little person would come into my life and take it. Not literally of course, even tough some mothers do loose their life in child birth, or become so deeply depressed, that it is almost as if their life was sucked out of them.
In my case I was not worried about either of the possibilities, I was more concerned about my freedom to do what I wanted, whenever I wanted.
I have witnessed my friends' lives being crippled by children.. Seeing the demands of motherhood was almost more than taking on a new degree, Phd spdeseetation, masters in foreign language.
I was ready tough, I grew up, I become more mature and there was no better time. My first born son was not an easy pregnancy. It wasn't very bad, but my body wasn't very cooperative. Sometimes it felt as my body was reflecting my psychological attitudes. I was protective of my unborn baby, but hated the visual evidence of being pregnant. OK I do not find pregnancy beautiful. Oversized stomach, penguin like walking, uncomfortable sleeping, and birth. birth was the most horrible thing I could experience. Oh, I know, people think it is a miracle, and maybe it is, maybe it is an act of nature. Whatever we think it is, I hated every second of it. I flet humiliated by army of health professionals walking in and out of my room, I hated the dead end situation, knowing there is only one way for me toget out of that hospital, and it is to deliver.
The first delivery took 28 hours and my precious baby entered this world. The emotions going thru my system had been so strong and overwhelming, that I felt like it was some out of body experience. Surely, it could not have been me. Me the pragmatic, cool, calculated, planned mother to be turned into a mosh. The first two weeks were an emotional roller coaster. Crying, sleeping, scared, angry, depressed, overwhelmed. I was experiencing the post Parfums depression and I could not believe in my own ability to take care of this beautiful, amazing little baby, my son. I didn't have a clue what I was going thru. No book, no school, no degree can prepare anyone for the first time parenthood. I was loosing my mind, worse, as a therapist I have seen such horrible things done to children, I could not comprehend how I could possibly protect that amazing, little boy from all the perverts in the world. I told my husband we would be doing David a favor if he went to live with someone else, a mom who can protect him.
Rightfully so, my husband was horrified. He couldn't understand why I would suggest something like this. He loved our baby so much, I loved our baby so much, but being a mom, forever, no going back scared me to death. It was a life long commitment to this little, innocent, helpless boy. Beautiful, sweet boy. It took me a week to calm down enough to realize I was loosing my cool. I only had two weeks vacation/maternity, after that I had to go back to work, I had to keep seeing clients and listen to some horrible stories of abuse, neglect, depression and more. My perspective on life had changed so drastically, suddenly my friends, however wonderful were not my main focal point, suddenly the center of my universe was that little baby boy. My body physically missed him, my heart broke every minute I was away from him, my soul was in pain if I didn't see him for few hours.
My body was tired, my eyes would close in the middle of the day, heavy with lack of sleep, but my heart would jump out each time I heard my son. Than the paranoia kicked in. Danger was everywhere. My instinct was hyper vigilant and I could not trust anyone. We had a babysitter, an older lady, who raised 8 kids, took on foster children, was soft spoken and absolutely amazing. She was the grandmother Dsvid didn't have. She loved him, I heard him giggle with her, smile, to her and respond to her with his inner trust. I was jellis, I wanted to be the one seeing every minute of my baby's growth, development, but I could not. My husband was in school and I needed to work. I used every minute of my time off work to hold my baby, to play with him and my heart was falling in love deeper and deeper, until it drowned, sunk and was forever lost in live with my child. I cannot imagine life without my children. david was first, after relaxing, loosening up and trusting that I can protect him, we decided to have more children.
Each one a treasure in its own way. A.eks the independent, dare devil, soft heart, and hard act. Hanna the Princess with the lungs to scream bloody murder if things don't go her way.
Yes, crying still annoys me. If there is no reason to cry, such as pain, sickness, danger, I do not put up with crying, but my children know I will fight for them to my last drop of blood, I will go to the end of the earth for them, and I will push them to the ends of their ability to prepare them for their futures. The futures that will soon enough lead them away from me and into their own lives.
I cannot imagine life without my babies, I wish I had more, but I know the first one, my David is going to be the hardest to see leave, because he has always been the first in everything. He is my trail and error, he is my soul. I should have, could have done things differently with him, with all of them. I could have been less protective, controlling, expecting, but I know I did the best I could with the emotional capacity I had. My love for my babies is so overwhelming, that it still takes my breath away. Nobody can know the feeling, unless they go thru it themselves. My life, my world changed with my son's first breath. I didn't know what love is before I held him in my arms for the first time. Even tough there had np been dark, scary moments, we both emerged from them and we all build our family with our children at the center of our existence. I am not an easy mom. My kids do not get easy life. They have to do what they are asked to do, there are expectations as high as their abilities, but mama bear has always been there for them and all it takes is a little squeak of complaint and I am taking on the world, fixing things, making life easier, opening the door of opportunities. I pray they will be happy in the future.
My children are my life. I wish I started earlier and could have had many more. They are not easy children, they have minds of their own and are busy and active and challenging in their own, individual way, but they are the best things in my life. I have listened to a Michael Medved radio show today while driving my son to dance. Diane Medved was a guest on her husband's show, she has a Phd in psychology or other behavioral science.
The conversation was about a study on who is happier, people who have children or people who don't. Besides some definitions clarifications, there seemed to be a portion of our society that doesn't want to have children. Perfectly fine, some people are not fit to be parents.
Long time ago, when I was younger, going thru my master's programs, having fun with my friends and figuring out what I want in life, I too didn't want to have children. I was convinced I wouldn't have any idea how to take care of them and how to keep them safe and most of all how to deal with the annoying crying.
Many years later, as I have matured and accomplished enough to be satisfied with my intellectual growth, got married I become open to having children. Still it was not a craving, calling, burning desire. I was selfishly worried about my life being over, because some little person would come into my life and take it. Not literally of course, even tough some mothers do loose their life in child birth, or become so deeply depressed, that it is almost as if their life was sucked out of them.
In my case I was not worried about either of the possibilities, I was more concerned about my freedom to do what I wanted, whenever I wanted.
I have witnessed my friends' lives being crippled by children.. Seeing the demands of motherhood was almost more than taking on a new degree, Phd spdeseetation, masters in foreign language.
I was ready tough, I grew up, I become more mature and there was no better time. My first born son was not an easy pregnancy. It wasn't very bad, but my body wasn't very cooperative. Sometimes it felt as my body was reflecting my psychological attitudes. I was protective of my unborn baby, but hated the visual evidence of being pregnant. OK I do not find pregnancy beautiful. Oversized stomach, penguin like walking, uncomfortable sleeping, and birth. birth was the most horrible thing I could experience. Oh, I know, people think it is a miracle, and maybe it is, maybe it is an act of nature. Whatever we think it is, I hated every second of it. I flet humiliated by army of health professionals walking in and out of my room, I hated the dead end situation, knowing there is only one way for me toget out of that hospital, and it is to deliver.
The first delivery took 28 hours and my precious baby entered this world. The emotions going thru my system had been so strong and overwhelming, that I felt like it was some out of body experience. Surely, it could not have been me. Me the pragmatic, cool, calculated, planned mother to be turned into a mosh. The first two weeks were an emotional roller coaster. Crying, sleeping, scared, angry, depressed, overwhelmed. I was experiencing the post Parfums depression and I could not believe in my own ability to take care of this beautiful, amazing little baby, my son. I didn't have a clue what I was going thru. No book, no school, no degree can prepare anyone for the first time parenthood. I was loosing my mind, worse, as a therapist I have seen such horrible things done to children, I could not comprehend how I could possibly protect that amazing, little boy from all the perverts in the world. I told my husband we would be doing David a favor if he went to live with someone else, a mom who can protect him.
Rightfully so, my husband was horrified. He couldn't understand why I would suggest something like this. He loved our baby so much, I loved our baby so much, but being a mom, forever, no going back scared me to death. It was a life long commitment to this little, innocent, helpless boy. Beautiful, sweet boy. It took me a week to calm down enough to realize I was loosing my cool. I only had two weeks vacation/maternity, after that I had to go back to work, I had to keep seeing clients and listen to some horrible stories of abuse, neglect, depression and more. My perspective on life had changed so drastically, suddenly my friends, however wonderful were not my main focal point, suddenly the center of my universe was that little baby boy. My body physically missed him, my heart broke every minute I was away from him, my soul was in pain if I didn't see him for few hours.
My body was tired, my eyes would close in the middle of the day, heavy with lack of sleep, but my heart would jump out each time I heard my son. Than the paranoia kicked in. Danger was everywhere. My instinct was hyper vigilant and I could not trust anyone. We had a babysitter, an older lady, who raised 8 kids, took on foster children, was soft spoken and absolutely amazing. She was the grandmother Dsvid didn't have. She loved him, I heard him giggle with her, smile, to her and respond to her with his inner trust. I was jellis, I wanted to be the one seeing every minute of my baby's growth, development, but I could not. My husband was in school and I needed to work. I used every minute of my time off work to hold my baby, to play with him and my heart was falling in love deeper and deeper, until it drowned, sunk and was forever lost in live with my child. I cannot imagine life without my children. david was first, after relaxing, loosening up and trusting that I can protect him, we decided to have more children.
Each one a treasure in its own way. A.eks the independent, dare devil, soft heart, and hard act. Hanna the Princess with the lungs to scream bloody murder if things don't go her way.
Yes, crying still annoys me. If there is no reason to cry, such as pain, sickness, danger, I do not put up with crying, but my children know I will fight for them to my last drop of blood, I will go to the end of the earth for them, and I will push them to the ends of their ability to prepare them for their futures. The futures that will soon enough lead them away from me and into their own lives.
I cannot imagine life without my babies, I wish I had more, but I know the first one, my David is going to be the hardest to see leave, because he has always been the first in everything. He is my trail and error, he is my soul. I should have, could have done things differently with him, with all of them. I could have been less protective, controlling, expecting, but I know I did the best I could with the emotional capacity I had. My love for my babies is so overwhelming, that it still takes my breath away. Nobody can know the feeling, unless they go thru it themselves. My life, my world changed with my son's first breath. I didn't know what love is before I held him in my arms for the first time. Even tough there had np been dark, scary moments, we both emerged from them and we all build our family with our children at the center of our existence. I am not an easy mom. My kids do not get easy life. They have to do what they are asked to do, there are expectations as high as their abilities, but mama bear has always been there for them and all it takes is a little squeak of complaint and I am taking on the world, fixing things, making life easier, opening the door of opportunities. I pray they will be happy in the future.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Something on my mind
The last week has been filled with memories, people and places I have known, seen, lived with or in so many years ago while in College. The black and white pictures of our times, the hair dos( scary sometimes) the closeness. I can still remember how brave and naive we had been, but that is probably why we got so much done. There was little fear and the little we had was pumping adrenaline and motivated us to face the opposition. Who was the opposition? Well it was year 1988 and we all cheered on the continuous strikes among polish working class. We wanted to live a different lives than those common under communism. We went thru coupons for food and other things, such as sugar, shoes, meat. We visited grocery stores with not much on the shelves. Oh Poland was producing, but the government in their anti people intentions would not allow things to be available. The saying was, that if the nation had to worry about every meal on the table, and every issue in the family, they would not have a time to conspire to overthrow the government.
The nation was inspired and it was because they were fed up with shortages, and corruption, they were sick and tired with no future. Young and old, and in between joined together to stand up and to unite and fight. Strikes, arrests, protests, marches, boycotts. We did it all. Our generation did not waste time on meaningless video games, phones. Actually, phones were scarce. Maybe there was a phone on in ten households. Young people thrived by interacting, having meaningful conversation, exchanging opinions. We didn't take classes to learn how to debate, talk, argue a point. We practiced it daily by spending time with each other and talking. Favorite pass time was having groups hanging out and discussing politics. Of course we had parties, and we had drinks. Unfortunately Poland is known for its alcohol consumption, it does start early, in College, but not thru stupid, harmful jokes, hazings, but while sitting at the table, talking. We didn't have a profession dedicated to therapy with carrier people teaching, solving and helping strangers resolve their emotional, physical or other issues. We had friendships, our friendships have always been real, deep, limitless, unconditional and life long in most cases. Friendships had been where problems were addressed, not gossip, I am sure gossip had some role in daily interactions, but for the most part we talked to each other and helped each other thru whatever difficulties might have been bothering us. Life wasn't easy, money was in great shortage, but hospitality was in abundance, sharing, giving were part of what Poles are about. I miss it. I miss the people with great hearts, polish hearts. We are different abroad, Poles change, I don't know why, but they do. In Poland, when I was young, everyone I knew was generous with time, advice, help, listening ear. There was not much to offer in material things, communism took care of the excess or even the necessities, but it could not destroy our pride in our country, our desire to be free and our strength in numbers.
My last week was full of old friends coming back, old pictures reminding us how far we have come and how much we have changed. Old melodies played in my mind, heart squeezed few tears of regret. We are getting older, we still remember the fight, the goal and the end game. Not always fight means war, or death, sometimes it takes masses to convince the adversary to give up their fight. Someone has to pave the road usually, there are sacrifices. In our case we had number of people who had never returned, who disappeared, who died in prison, but it never stopped us. If we allowed the government to intimidate us, we would have given up the little power we had. Determination, love for the beautiful country, love for the nation and dream to give the next generation a better future, gave us the adrenaline rush we needed to overcome the fear at the sight of uniformed militarized police marching under the windows of our dorms.
They marched we we watched in unity and with every fiber we protested their presence. Nothing was able to stop the movement anymore. It is nostalgic, we should have moved on, it has been over 25 years, but we still feel the connection with those who lived thru those years. Different kind of friendship, more dependable, more reliable, more giving. It is not friendship, it is brotherhood, sisterhood, it is family.
The nation was inspired and it was because they were fed up with shortages, and corruption, they were sick and tired with no future. Young and old, and in between joined together to stand up and to unite and fight. Strikes, arrests, protests, marches, boycotts. We did it all. Our generation did not waste time on meaningless video games, phones. Actually, phones were scarce. Maybe there was a phone on in ten households. Young people thrived by interacting, having meaningful conversation, exchanging opinions. We didn't take classes to learn how to debate, talk, argue a point. We practiced it daily by spending time with each other and talking. Favorite pass time was having groups hanging out and discussing politics. Of course we had parties, and we had drinks. Unfortunately Poland is known for its alcohol consumption, it does start early, in College, but not thru stupid, harmful jokes, hazings, but while sitting at the table, talking. We didn't have a profession dedicated to therapy with carrier people teaching, solving and helping strangers resolve their emotional, physical or other issues. We had friendships, our friendships have always been real, deep, limitless, unconditional and life long in most cases. Friendships had been where problems were addressed, not gossip, I am sure gossip had some role in daily interactions, but for the most part we talked to each other and helped each other thru whatever difficulties might have been bothering us. Life wasn't easy, money was in great shortage, but hospitality was in abundance, sharing, giving were part of what Poles are about. I miss it. I miss the people with great hearts, polish hearts. We are different abroad, Poles change, I don't know why, but they do. In Poland, when I was young, everyone I knew was generous with time, advice, help, listening ear. There was not much to offer in material things, communism took care of the excess or even the necessities, but it could not destroy our pride in our country, our desire to be free and our strength in numbers.
My last week was full of old friends coming back, old pictures reminding us how far we have come and how much we have changed. Old melodies played in my mind, heart squeezed few tears of regret. We are getting older, we still remember the fight, the goal and the end game. Not always fight means war, or death, sometimes it takes masses to convince the adversary to give up their fight. Someone has to pave the road usually, there are sacrifices. In our case we had number of people who had never returned, who disappeared, who died in prison, but it never stopped us. If we allowed the government to intimidate us, we would have given up the little power we had. Determination, love for the beautiful country, love for the nation and dream to give the next generation a better future, gave us the adrenaline rush we needed to overcome the fear at the sight of uniformed militarized police marching under the windows of our dorms.
They marched we we watched in unity and with every fiber we protested their presence. Nothing was able to stop the movement anymore. It is nostalgic, we should have moved on, it has been over 25 years, but we still feel the connection with those who lived thru those years. Different kind of friendship, more dependable, more reliable, more giving. It is not friendship, it is brotherhood, sisterhood, it is family.
Monday, January 6, 2014
What is Fair? Who gets to define it?
They don't appear as often and as vivid as they did when I first landed on the new planet called Utah. Ok it is not a planet but it felt like it to me. People are different in Utah, the strength of the LDS church, its visibility physically and spiritually is somewhat similar to the perception of Poles who are deeply Catholic and very patriotic. Americans are patriots too, but our heroism is of a different nature. Ours, I said the word and instantly I wondered if ours was American or was it still polish.
Yes I have been an American citizen promoted to become one by the unfortunate election of the divider in chief Obama. I didn't call him president, because he doesn't represent me, I didn't vote for him and he is destroying everything I believe in, literally everything.
I can see the beginning of the end, and I have seen the end before.
As many of my friends know I grew up in Poland. Oh, how beautiful Poland is, so green and classy and you trip over history everywhere you go, a millennia long history. Our people are strong, hard working, smart, but they have been tried and on a brink of destruction so many times. Pick up the book by Norman Davis" Gods Playground" very well written history of Poland. Watch a production done by Newt Gingrich about the Pope, my pope John Paul II and his divinely inspired course of action that lead his country, my country to freedom.
I was born in Communism, we liked to call it socialism back than, but it was worse, it was the full blown communism imposed on us by the Soviets, but my new country-America had a hand it our unfortunate situation too. After the WWII the allies divided Europe, Poland wasn't important to the West. Just as they let us down and didn't adhere to the agreements we had before the war and never came to help us after Nazi's invasion, again the western countries of England and France and yes America let us be taken without asking for our permission. In Yalta at the post war conference we were given to the soviets as part of the Eastern European block. We were the Warsaw Pact, the opponent of NATO.
The people were not, but the government was. The birth of communism was swift and painful. Those opposing, disagreeing either fled to other countries, if they could or were imprisoned and in most cases never heard from again. Nobody celebrated those political prisoners the way the west celebrated the terrorist Nelson Mandela. Our prisoners were tortured, killed, or left to die in circumstances they could not combat.
My family remembered free Poland, they secretly talked about it, it was always very dangerous to talk about the benefits of the free market.
The country went back to work, we had inflated 100% employment, and nobody was making any livable wage. The huge monstrous housing blocks were build with people having as little as 20square meters to live in. The government wasn't only the ruling power it was the God. Everything suddenly was to be fair, but how and who defines fair? The government did. Fair was that everyone has education , everyone has job, everyone agrees with the proletariat representing government and everyone is equal. Only in the eyes of God everyone is equal. Government is not God. Black market sprang to business, if you worked for high ranking government office you had a good life, if you agreed with them politically you had a chance to get a good government job, otherwise you were masses. The land, the homes, the properties of everyone, including my family were confiscated and divided. In our Jordan residence a school was established, the property now belonged to the collective. Belonging to the collective meant nobody cared, but most importantly the rich or noble were stripped of their families heritage, belongings. People who lived in the city as my grandmother did with my dad who was in his college years had strangers put in their homes by the government. If I think about it, it reminds me of the English being put in the American homes during the war. The government decided how much square meters each person was entitled to and if you had more, they would make you share it with the needy or whoever came across their desk.
One of the way to keep people busy and on edge was the lack of food. Believe me it wasn't because we didn't produce, or our farm lands couldn't produce. It was artificial and made to keep people live day to day, week to week, month to month. If people had a hard life, spending time on waiting in lines for bread, meat, soap, shoes, clothes, anything, that they didn't have time to rebel.
I remember waiting in lines on Christmas Eve to make sure we had bread and meat for Christmas. You could never buy too much, there were restrictions, and I as a 10-11 years old child stood in line at midnight waiting for the store to open at 7AM so I would be close enough in line to actually be able to get the meat or sausage. There was never enough supply. Again it wasn't because we couldn't have it, it was always send off to The Soviet Union leaving us with mere left overs. We lived like the people in "Hunger Games" the book brought it so close to home.
Our fields would be left unattended, because they belonged to the government and nobody cared for property that wasn't theirs.
Yes I have been an American citizen promoted to become one by the unfortunate election of the divider in chief Obama. I didn't call him president, because he doesn't represent me, I didn't vote for him and he is destroying everything I believe in, literally everything.
I can see the beginning of the end, and I have seen the end before.
As many of my friends know I grew up in Poland. Oh, how beautiful Poland is, so green and classy and you trip over history everywhere you go, a millennia long history. Our people are strong, hard working, smart, but they have been tried and on a brink of destruction so many times. Pick up the book by Norman Davis" Gods Playground" very well written history of Poland. Watch a production done by Newt Gingrich about the Pope, my pope John Paul II and his divinely inspired course of action that lead his country, my country to freedom.
I was born in Communism, we liked to call it socialism back than, but it was worse, it was the full blown communism imposed on us by the Soviets, but my new country-America had a hand it our unfortunate situation too. After the WWII the allies divided Europe, Poland wasn't important to the West. Just as they let us down and didn't adhere to the agreements we had before the war and never came to help us after Nazi's invasion, again the western countries of England and France and yes America let us be taken without asking for our permission. In Yalta at the post war conference we were given to the soviets as part of the Eastern European block. We were the Warsaw Pact, the opponent of NATO.
The people were not, but the government was. The birth of communism was swift and painful. Those opposing, disagreeing either fled to other countries, if they could or were imprisoned and in most cases never heard from again. Nobody celebrated those political prisoners the way the west celebrated the terrorist Nelson Mandela. Our prisoners were tortured, killed, or left to die in circumstances they could not combat.
My family remembered free Poland, they secretly talked about it, it was always very dangerous to talk about the benefits of the free market.
The country went back to work, we had inflated 100% employment, and nobody was making any livable wage. The huge monstrous housing blocks were build with people having as little as 20square meters to live in. The government wasn't only the ruling power it was the God. Everything suddenly was to be fair, but how and who defines fair? The government did. Fair was that everyone has education , everyone has job, everyone agrees with the proletariat representing government and everyone is equal. Only in the eyes of God everyone is equal. Government is not God. Black market sprang to business, if you worked for high ranking government office you had a good life, if you agreed with them politically you had a chance to get a good government job, otherwise you were masses. The land, the homes, the properties of everyone, including my family were confiscated and divided. In our Jordan residence a school was established, the property now belonged to the collective. Belonging to the collective meant nobody cared, but most importantly the rich or noble were stripped of their families heritage, belongings. People who lived in the city as my grandmother did with my dad who was in his college years had strangers put in their homes by the government. If I think about it, it reminds me of the English being put in the American homes during the war. The government decided how much square meters each person was entitled to and if you had more, they would make you share it with the needy or whoever came across their desk.
One of the way to keep people busy and on edge was the lack of food. Believe me it wasn't because we didn't produce, or our farm lands couldn't produce. It was artificial and made to keep people live day to day, week to week, month to month. If people had a hard life, spending time on waiting in lines for bread, meat, soap, shoes, clothes, anything, that they didn't have time to rebel.
I remember waiting in lines on Christmas Eve to make sure we had bread and meat for Christmas. You could never buy too much, there were restrictions, and I as a 10-11 years old child stood in line at midnight waiting for the store to open at 7AM so I would be close enough in line to actually be able to get the meat or sausage. There was never enough supply. Again it wasn't because we couldn't have it, it was always send off to The Soviet Union leaving us with mere left overs. We lived like the people in "Hunger Games" the book brought it so close to home.
Our fields would be left unattended, because they belonged to the government and nobody cared for property that wasn't theirs.
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